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Table of contents

Prevention: Teach kids how to identify bullying and how to stand up to it safely. Be aware of what your kids are doing online.

Become an upstander. Training Discover your role in bullying prevention! What Schools Can Do School staff can help prevent bullying by establishing and enforcing rules and policies that clearly describe how students are expected to treat each other. What Kids Can Do Are you being bullied?

Get Help Now If you have done everything you can to resolve the situation and nothing has worked, or someone is in immediate danger, there are ways to get help.

Guide BULLIED BEYOND BELIEF: The Scotty Turner Story

Belvedere to the show. TV actors, movie stars, having trouble watching yourself, cooking shows, Good Eats, Julia Child, being a chef, shared experiences, James at 15, acting horror stories, going back to civilian life, Hollywood History, murder houses, Ben and Matt and Ken's strange relationship with the Wahlbergs. The book is now an upcoming HBO docuseries on which Paul is co-executive producer and will be appearing,. November , This week Ken welcomes producer, director and all around coolest person Charlotte Stein to the show.

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Tigon vs. Belvedere, Ken's college age anthrax shield job, Dick Van Patton as a bigot on Growing Pains, Heather Graham, The Dewy High Hooters, Dance Fever Part 1, clip shows, Free Spirit, busted pilots, high concept shows, Brad Pitt, I Married Dora, Exporting Raymond, translating American sitcoms into Russian sitcoms, how Growing Pains became the first American sitcom to air in China, being mistaken for Alan Thicke, John Candy being the greatest guy ever, Clueless, James at 15, how great "Action" with Jay Mohr was, being told "there's nobody in America who wants to be Latino who currently isn't", stand up comedy showcases, network notes, why stand up comics are pre-disposed to not be great actors in an ensemble, being a showrunner, an alternate universe where Joss Whedon writes for Growing Pains, and the long discussed definitive origin of clip shows.

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Today Ken welcomes fellow Massachusetts escapee and until very recently the showrunner of the excellent and criminally non-renewed "Busy Tonight", the great Caissie St. March , Today Ken welcomes comedian Maylin Pavletic to the show. April , Today Ken welcomes make up artist, cosplayer and podcaster Misti Dawn to the show. Ken and Misti discuss Glendale, Hollywood's creepy underbelly, red light districts, the combat zone, JFK losing his mind, Kentucky, not wanting to leave the house, angry letters, being in Good Will Hunting, Catholic Schools, staring at a dead body as punishment, a cultural removal from the physics of death, Return of the Living Dead, growing up in a video store, Mormons, crushing on Jim Carrey, Once Bitten, the early days of the internet opening the world to you, Video Power, Johnny Arcade vs.

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Rebecca Housel. Rebecca Housel to the show.

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This week Ken welcomes Boston comedian Shawn Carter to the show. Walls, Mr. June 20 , Today Ken welcomes magician, comedian and master pickpocket Ben Seidman to the show. This week Ken welcomes Tubes' frontman Fee Waybill to the show. This week Ken welcomes fellow former Boston Punk Rock kid, the fantastic musician, writer and all around entertainer Storm Large.

Ken and Storm discuss being North Shore, Framingham, being shocked that Massachusetts is a Democratic state, Boston's racism and segregation, bring back "fine", 90s lingo, Bad Brains, wanting somebody to sing to you from jail, going to an all boys school, sausage forests, growing up as a punk rock kid, San Francisco, drag queens beating frat boys with platform shoes, MeToo, depictions of rape on television, Barney Miller, Welcome Back Kotter, Mr. Today Ken welcomes screenwriter, director and actor Guinevere Turner to the show.

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Today Ken welcomes actor, producer, director and all around talent Toy Newkirk to the show. Ken and Toy discuss the Hollywood Hills, growing up a tomboy, donut families, Fonzie's swimming hole, the s, the golden age of porn valley, not being allowed to watch TV, growing up with the Zappas, from Maryland to California, being an engineer, being a kid on sets, curiosity, throwing dirt at a commercial director, riding horses, ice skating, going on vacation with Kim Fields, auditioning for everything, the Hollywood African american support circle, being a tech geek, learning all the jobs on a set, MeToo moments, being a P.

January , Today Ken welcomes comedian, podcaster and dork forest ranger Jackie Kashian to the show. January , After a long delay Ken finally welcomes comedian Mehran to the show. Ken and Mehran discuss Ken's aversion to coming into the city, murderous athletes, the Venn Diagram of Euro-trash and townies, the J. Larry Jr. Gordon Liddy, D.

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Follies, when the U. March , Today Ken welcomes actor Ayden Mayeri to the show. Diane dynamic, your show getting canceled despite it doing well, the loss of Big Wave Dave's, dating a Neilson family, and Ken's podcast. Ken and Brooke discuss Ken's L. November , Today Ken welcomes actor, writer, director, artist, musician and all around dynamo Cady McClain to the show.

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Ken and Cady discuss how a Guinness Book Record for dancing can lead to a showbiz career, growing up in L. TV Guidance Counselor Episode October , Today Ken welcomes comedian and man about town Kevin Harrington to the show. Ken and Kevin discuss bouncers, consequences, Kevin's grandkids, lying about having nieces and nephews, Ken's superman fortress of solitude, Dean Koontz, Tobe Hooper's Funhouse, St. October 5 , Today Ken welcome promoter and man about town Clay Fernald to the show. Clayton, Mr. Belvedere, Spenser for Hire, and living in Reagan's 80s.

Happy Halloween! I was younger, more sensitive, certainly more vulnerable and not talented at fist fighting. Most days I'd make it home safely , but some days I'd end up belly up on the grass trying to fend off blows and kicks while a ring of kids jeered and cheered that day's aggressor. A blow to the head and you'd see stars like in the cartoons. I'm 40 years old now; it's been something like 30 years since that sort of thing last happened. Still, the experience has not left me, it sucked so much.

I don't think about it much these days, but I know that having lived through those experiences has shaped me as an adult, and not for the better. The experience of getting your face smashed in by bullies or taunted by them, or pushed, or shoved, or excluded, etc. In this spirit, I offer my self-disclosure and hijack Bill's as seed for discussion. There are lots of programs designed to help schools and other institutions prevent bullying. It's kind of a hot topic these days in a small sort of way.

Hopefully the things that researchers have and will come up will help limit the scope of the problem in the future. However, I'm quite confident that it will never go away entirely. It seems to me that bullying is just one of those things that are just a part of human nature.

Something that can be suppressed but not eliminated. Where I want to go with this essay is not to talk about how to make bullying stop, but rather, to explore the sorts of damage bullies do to their victims, and to discuss a few paths through which some of that damage can be, at least in part, undone. Here's a few statements to get us started: 1 Bullying is a form of abuse, and 2 Bullying is a narcissistic sort of act. In making the second statement I'm suggesting that ring-leader bullies those who organize bullying are behaving as though the emotional and physical health of their victims is not important or is at least less important than their own desire for the thrill of aggression and dominance.

Narcissists treat other people as though they were objects either to be used, or discarded, and the bully both uses his victim for purposes of self-gratification and aggrandizement and then discards him. Now, children are fairly narcissistic by their very nature.

Children are not born appreciating that other people are actually just like they are with their own needs and independent rights. A long period of development must occur before children grasp that the other people around them have needs and interests just like they do and need to be accommodated and accorded respect.

Corrections & Clarifications

The golden rule of treating others as you would yourself like to be treated makes no sense to a young child who has not yet matured to the point where this basic appreciation of the individuality of every person has been grasped. Instead, children need to be held in line with what amount to incentives and sometimes punishments for acting as though other people matter. So by saying that bullying is a narcissistic action, I'm not at all saying that all bullies are narcissists. Adult bullies who have not outgrown their childhood narcissism probably do qualify, but little kids are just going to be that way.

This is why I'm not terribly optimistic that we can solve the problem of bullying in our time. The experience of being bullied can end up causing lasting damage to victims. This is both self-evident, and also supported by an increasing body of research. It is not necessary to be physically harmed in order to suffer lasting harm. Words and gestures are quite enough. In fact, the old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never harm me" is more or less exactly backwards.

For the most part, physical damage sustained in a fist fight heals readily, especially damage that is sustained during the resilient childhood years. What is far more difficult to mend is the primary wound that bullying victims suffer which is damage to their self-concepts; to their identities. Bullying is an attempt to instill fear and self-loathing.

Being the repetitive target of bullying damages your ability to view yourself as a desirable, capable and effective individual. There are two ugly outcomes that stem from learning to view yourself as a less than desirable, incapable individual. Being bullied teaches you that you are undesirable, that you are not safe in the world, and when it is dished out by forces that are physically superior to yourself that you are relatively powerless to defend yourself.

When you are forced, again and again, to contemplate your relative lack of control over the bullying process, you are being set up for Learned Helplessness e. At the same time, you may be learning that you are helpless and hopeless, you are also learning how you are seen by bullies, which is to say, you are learning that you are seen by others as weak, pathetic, and a loser. And, by virtue of the way that identity tends to work, you are being set up to believe that these things the bullies are saying about you are true. It would be great if the average person was possessed of unshakable self-confidence, but this just isn't how identity works.

Identity is a social process. Other people contribute to it. Particularly when people are young and have not yet survived a few of life's trials, it is difficult for people to know who they are and what they are made of.